Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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