marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize