Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
