I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
