The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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