I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize