Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
