Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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