TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
