is wine microwaveable?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
