nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They took my balls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
