We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
