Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
