no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This girl is more easily done than said...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
