I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
