He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
