So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
