I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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