Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
