Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
