you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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