I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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