Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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