this beer tastes like vomit already
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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