How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The air taste purple.
Randomize
