Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.

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(+75): View more from

It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.

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(646): View more from New York

I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.

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(971): View more from Oregon

HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

dude where did you go last night?

(617): View more from Massachusetts

when the tequila says to run, you start running.

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