Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
