i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
