cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize