WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
