new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize