I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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