I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
