after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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