my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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