our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
