So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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