Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
