Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize