Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
