Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize