Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
