you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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