K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
