like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
