I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
