Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
