I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
