you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
