at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
