Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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