I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
