wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
