Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
God, I missed his penis.
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