I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
time to smoke my breakfast
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
