Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
