did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize