doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
