I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
