I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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