Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
