Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is Oprah even human
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
