You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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