Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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