I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
