I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Drake has all the answers
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
