I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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