I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
