im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
