trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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