Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
