I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
