Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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