Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
