So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
