Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
