No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
