he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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