Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
