enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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