dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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