...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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