So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
