my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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