I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
