If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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