Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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