Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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