I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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