will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
