is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
false alarm. still invincible.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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