i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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