wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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