k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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