I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
