i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
