Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
