mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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