just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
