i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
