u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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