$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
