His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
