So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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