She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
