My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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