i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
