I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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