I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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